I am adorable.

I decided it was blog post time, because there are a few things that have come up that I want to yell about from my tiny soap box. First and foremost, I bought Ashlyn a tarot deck so she can start playing with all fun hobbies a tarot set allows: spiritual reassurance that it's okay to have another cupcake, and turning over the Death card at small children while saying "booga booga" are the big ones. To commemorate the event I also drew an aww-thats-precious picture in Vaguely Amazing style. You can see it off to your left. Yes, it's precious. I also think it's Neat, which is why it is here instead of back in my private life where it belongs.

(I realized after posting this that "Vaguely Amazing style" might be meaningless to some of you -how many of you are there?- who only met me recently. Vaguely Amazing was a factually-impeccable autobiographical account of Ricky and my Vassar years in web comic form. That adventure can be begun here if you're curious.)

Secondly, on the A Different Spin front, we have decided that our America's Got Talent audition will consist of the four of us going on a diet of nothing but food coloring (one color for each of us) for the 24 hours preceding the audition, and then urinating a full-color map of the United States of America all over the floor of the studio. We'll show them variety talent. Even if this act doesn't get us a spot on America's Got Talent, I'm pretty sure Stephen Colbert would give us a luxurious all-American yacht fleet in appreciation of our art.

Along the same vein of humor... an earlier discussion among the house regarding highways and sexual deviancy led to one of my patented Bad Idea google searches, and this gem came out in the wash.

There. Pissing all over public television and adolescent sex jokes about highway numbers. Is all the Adorable gone now? No? Alright, well then here's an alternate picture. You can just imagine I put it up instead of the tarot card.




My google ads are all about odor removal. The things that show up on that little side bar never cease to amaze. I really hope someone stumbles on this blog by accident while looking for "Septic Smells" or "Soup Recipes" or "Children's Sleep." A little befuddlement is good for the brain.

Hi-Ho Cherry-O was a great game.

It taught counting, and colors, and introduced the idea that birds and dogs can take away everything you've worked so hard to build, instantly. I've never trusted them since.

Last night at Spin Jam we had a serendipitous and surreal experience: some of the other performers there had responded to a Craigslist ad for America's Got Talent, and are going to audition this weekend. This prompted a conversation in which we wondered whether we might also Got Talent, and whether we should go in to audition too. Opinions were mixed. We probably would have decided not to, except that Mooch immediately got a phone call from America's Got Talent, asking us to come in and try out. Apparently Johnny Blazes had recommended us, and (s)he has some connection that makes hir opinion count over there. Neat. Maybe if all goes well, you can make fun of us on national television. You can even put on a Simon Cowell hat. And if you do, I can beat you to death with a golf cart.

And then I'd probably get arrested.

Anyway, we're apparently going to try to merge our literal circus of juggling and fire calamity with the metaphorical circus of the national media. This union, like that of Pasiphaë and the Cretan Bull, will probably spawn a monster that will consume entire generations of young Greeks. I'll make sure to bring a ball of yarn to the audition to make sure we can find our way back out again.

flippin out with the pancake squad

So. When I graduated from the Vassar machine I was pretty confident that that was it. There would be no more extravagant evenings of liquoring up, bizarre forms of Twister, smooching on strangers, and wantonly flinging balls of flame around one's body. Fortunately, it turns out that in the city of Boston there are wonderful creatures that are more than happy to continue these traditions.

We have friends! We go out to see people, and people come to see us! I love when things work the way they should!

[The picture accompanying was drawn by me as an entertainment during a neverending game of Risk: Godstorm™ and colored by Katie. It is a loverly birdimal.]

Overcast Orange with a whiff of sewage

Orson speared the last of the fish creatures. It gurgled a fluidy protest as it clutched the weapon sticking out of its gut, as if to argue that Orson's move had not been entirely fair, and if it had just been ready, the fight might have turned out more in the fish's favor. Orson emphatically kicked the shaft of the spear, sending it and the attached monster splashing unhappily into the slime of the bay. He swung his leg back over the seat of the bike and wiped a smear of fish blood off his leather sleeve- hopefully the smell wasn't permanent. Shaia gunned the engine and in the usual choking cloud of foul, particle-filled smoke, the two sped off down the dock in the fading, dusty light.

When they’d finished telling Dodd about the ordeal, back at the lounge, two hours and twelve beers had passed. Dodd gave a heavy sigh, leaning back on the cracking green fabric of the booth and peering across the bottle-strewn table. “Sixteen fish-men, and all of them carrying weapons. Spectacular. At this rate, next time they’ll probably have semi-automatics.”

Orson leaned forward. “Making gunpowder under water…” he began. Shaia sighed loudly to cut him off.

“We stopped them before they made it into the city at all,” she said, “they still don’t know anything about us except that we kick their asses every time they decide to come up to the surface. What I don't get is, why do they keep coming back?"

“I don’t know,” said Dodd, “but they’ve attacked the docks five times so far, and there’s no reason to think they’ll stop. We just need to be prepared, and make sure they don’t steal any more supplies. They may not have our resources, but they’re inventive with what they get their hands on.”

“You sent out submarines last week after the first attack though.” Orson said, “did you see how many of them there are, or where they live?”

“The water’s still too polluted,” Shaia sighed, “I took a sub down there myself, and it’s nothing but sludge and radiation. I can’t see anything, and the sensors just get scrambled. I say the fishes don’t understand us, but we don’t understand them any better. I can’t imagine how they can even survive down there, let alone communicate and hunt. I don’t like how little we know about them.”

Dodd stood up. “Neither do I,” he said, “but our hands are tied. They can come into our world more easily than we go into theirs. We just have to wait for them to make their next move. I’m putting three volunteers on watch tonight, and installing a heavy gun down there first thing in the morning. You two should get some sleep. Make sure to get a patch for that cut, Shaia. Rations are tight, but we don’t want you getting infected with whatever bacteria the fishes might have to offer.”

"Another beer first," Orson suggested, "I'm not quite ready for the night to be over."

Dodd grudgingly agreed, and the conversation changed to lighter matters from there: the pulley rigging in ship house D and the mongrel dog that Haskell found hiding in his mail bag. By the time they each had drunk another two rounds, the worries of the skirmish on the docks was far from their minds.

horrible adventures in the snake world

I've started a new part-time job at an after-school program for troubled yoofs. Helping kids with homework at the 2nd grade level sounds incredibly easy and as intellectually stimulating as stapling one's own finger to a turkey sandwich (challenging) but I'm actually having a lot of fun. Watching the concepts develop in their mind, and seeing the difference in rational thought and reasoning between an 8-year-old and a 10-year-old is something that my other work with kids has never shown me. Plus I get to spend 2 hours a day doing whatever I want, so naturally next week I'm running circus workshops, and after that we'll be populating islands with fantastical hodgepodge creatures. I'm sure it ultimately will get boring, as all "jobs" do, but for now it's a solid source of income, and something I'm happy to do every day.

For my next trick, I will mix slapdash art with meaningless photoshop layering, and excrete it into the public eye, off to the left. I will then ponder the fact that you already looked at it two minutes ago as soon as the page loaded, and I will point out that this "next trick" therefore must have involved time travel. Ta-DAaaaaa.

The image is explained in the last paragraph, I swear.

I'm sure everyone knows about this, but firefox's Google search bar offers some really profound, troubling, head-scratching revelations about web-based humanity. Put in the first few letters of something, and "suggestions" will pop up, based on popular searches. Every so often I like to type in a few words and see what America is up to. Some (abridged) examples:
root: "I am"
suggestions: I am bored; I am legend; I am sasha fierce; I am the walrus lyrics; I am pregnant; I am sam; I am green today
---------------------
root: "where is"
suggestions: where is the love; where is chuck norris; where is my mind; where is my g-spot; where is waldo; where is dubai
---------------------
Oddly, the top search suggestion for "help me" is "help me howard." Either there's a movie out there called Help me Howard, or somewhere a superhero has been born, and the only way to invoke him is by searching for his help on Google.

There is also the fantastic feature that lets us see what we ourselves searched for in the past, before the suggestions even start. So, if I put in "potato" for example, I see not only the suggestions (potato soup, potato salad, potato recipes, potato pancakes) but also what I have searched for within the past year involving potatos (potato famine, potato farm, potato gun furry porn). I truly don't know where that last one came from and I swear I didn't make it up for this post. I think I must lay traps for myself across the internet, and then forget about them later. I can't imagine what potato gun furry porn would look like, much less why I would want to find it.

On the topic of strange things my internet habits lead me to find, and which you probably didn't need to know about... the Japanese will make porn out of anything. Despite the movie coming from their culture, somehow someone Grossly Misunderstood and decided that The Ring would make good hentai material, and that girls coming out of your television screen would actually be pretty neat. The picture above is one very tame sample of a much larger and more graphic body of work. Anyway... The Ring scared the crap out of me personally. I guess making porn of it is somebody's coping mechanism.

Another nail in Walt Whitman's coffin.

I've noticed that the great majority of my literative spew has moved toward the dreamy and hallucinogenic, and usually ends with, or involves, someone's death. There will be no more of that. With that in mind, here is a poem about a jackhammer:

O jackhammer, my jackhammer! our fearful task is done.
here stands a mighty mega-mall, complete with Cinnabon.
the I-beams came to make a frame, the plexi-glass surrounded.
built on the very concrete that we pulverized and pounded.
But heart! heart! heart!
Though the digging has been dug
My jackhammer has died this day
For someone pulled the plug.

Dammit, still got the death in there. I suppose it can't be helped.

I ordered three umbrella hats this evening, with pointy tops to spin plates on. We shall put them on the heads of unsuspecting audience volunteers, and I think they'll have a grand time. I've always wanted one of my own. An umbrella hat, that is. I'm pretty well set when it comes to grand times.

A Different Spin has been invited to join the performer roster of Urban Circus, a Boston-based talent promotion company. We have a photo shoot with them on February 4th. The guy I talked to at the agency also said he was interested in bringing me on as a birthday entertainer and performer for their "pirate parties". Semi-regular gigs that I don't have to do any booking work for? Sounds pretty ideal to me. And of course ADS is going to the APCA conference in Atlanta in March, which is the big leagues. From what we've done so far in the show-writing and skill-development departments, we're actually ready for it. Our juggling and volunteer acts are legitimately hilarious. I'm proud of what we're doing here, and I hope it keeps going for a long time.

crossing the streams of consciousness

Down on the docks the concert was in full swing. Colors flew from the keys and into the evening air like wild confetti, streaming down onto the adoring crowd. Walder's teeth flashed under his visor, his head swooping back and forth to follow his keyboard strokes: if Ray Charles had been blue-haired, white-skinned, and possessed of Walder's transmissible synesthesic talents, they would have been indistinguishable. The touch of Walder's fingers on the keyboard sent out not only music, but also waves and flavors in every sensory channel imaginable: a symphony in dreams.

The crowd drank in the torrential harmonies, tasting the warm swirls of cinnamon chords in stereo. A fizz of sixteenth notes burst from the keyboard reef as a school of electric blue angelfish. The speakers thrummed. In seat nine of row MM, an old man peed himself. The warmth looked distinctively like a D minor.

In the chaotic frontal moshpit just under the stage, a group of the young and impetuous felt their synapses overload, sizzle, and collapse. They had disregarded the banners warning emphatically against the use of hallucinogenics at this particular concert, and as a consequence were now being psychically torn apart by the fifteen-layered tempest of overlapping and conflicting sensory inputs. The synesthetic mutant Walder left an unfortunate trail of hyperstimulated, maddened fans in the aftermath at every venue, gibbering creatures capable of nothing but humming tunelessly and chewing at themselves.

Among the victims on this night was Jacquelin Luff, a pink-haired cartoon enthusiast. As her neurons informed her that seven levels of fractal reality were simultaneously converging on the bridge of her nose, she prayed to Voltron for salvation.

the land is doomed

I may at last have joined the ranks of the motivated. This might have something to do with the fact that I have definitely joined the ranks of the poor. I am a rank-joiner. Wikipedia informs me that "a joiner differs from a carpenter in that he cuts and fits joints in wood that do not use nails."

Free health clinics are a new and interesting experience: waiting for 5 hours in the waiting room of a clinic and finally being told that you can't be seen today, despite what they told you on the phone, is pretty awesome.

I've got a 3-month gift subscription to Netflix, courtesy of my family. This means I can stream any movie they have, any time I want. Unfortunately, the movies they have available for streaming are usually ancient, technicolor beasts that lurch their way to 2 and a half stars before their budget expires and they slurk back to their fetid back lot spawning pools. Amidst this metaphorical swamp, I found a neat little anime called Paprika, whose soundtrack has been going through my head nonstop ever since. I also watched Kevin Costner's The Postman, and found it quite satisfying.

There are no more unrelated paragraphs of irrelevant autobiographics. We are both free to go.

A Different Spin Jugglestuffs

Look for do this it to be a vidjo.

a new twist on animal crackers

Yesterday in a large asian market with an overpowering fish smell, Ashlyn found a sort of do-it-yourself Pocky kit, that included little cookie sticks and a chocolate frosting dipping pit. Each stick had an animal on it, with some little characteristic written in big blocky (safe to eat?) ink. The cookie sticks had things like "ELEPHANT: JUMBO" and "TURTLE: SLOWLY" on them. But there was one that was too good not to share.



Bat: Only in the Night

Yes indeed.

Glow balls. Balls that glow.

In a dark room, with low video quality, they look really neat. The music was... unintentional and atmospheric, just what iTunes shuffle had up at the time, but I left it in because
a) it actually works pretty well, and
b) I'm a lazy horse-stealin' sonuvabitch.

2:31 am counts as Christmas morning

I am really bad about giving presents. Really bad. I just don't think of it. Couple that with the fact that I don't have enough money to buy myself a pack of winterfresh gum, and I am in a bit of a holiday pickle. Fortunately I have excellent last-minute oh-shit abilities to pull something together that just barely fulfills the necessary requirements (see my Vassar transcript for details) and so on the evening of December 24th I managed to make things for my brother and sister that I'm actually pretty proud of.

For my sister, I made a goofy-looking comic-book cover of her musician self, Sticklips (who you can hear on MySpace, and is really quite good). For my brother, I made an expansion set to the board game Ashlyn and I made for him last year, in which you play an embattled team of elves trying to keep zombies out of Santa's workshop. I WOULD put up pictures, but I think that might cheapen it a bit since they were intended as gifts, not for me to show off.

Instead, you can have THIS little tidbit. I really can't imagine what these gentlemen could be talking about.

Christmas gift update: I got a box of chocolate liqueur cherries! Chocolate AND alcohol in tiny delicious packages. I am already delightfully allergically buzzed from just two. What a fantastic holiday.

Olives make an excellent sausage substitute on pizzas. (edited post)

Preamble (does anything other than the US Constitution have a Preamble? That's definitely the only place I've ever heard the word used):

Off to your right, behind the capital building, you can see a lovely picture of a dolphin slumming around in the deeps. I am rather fond of this dolphin. Now, to your Slightly-Down-The-Page, you'll see several paragraphs of dreamy keyboard vomit documenting postmortem hallucination. I am also rather fond of these paragraphs. But unfortunately, I really don't like them together and next to each other. But nevertheless, here they are.

And now on to the aforementioned hallucinogenic fiction. If verbose nonsense was mops and I was an elementary school janitor, man would I be set to clean up some vomit.
--

After he fell down the well, he barely remembered the suffocation of submersion at all. His frenzied panic plunged everything beyond the first burning breath of water out of his mind. Instead, the thing he remembered was the cat. The buzz in his drowning ears lowered in pitch as his waterlogged brain slowed, becoming a rumbling purr. He looked up and saw the cat, ethereal as any ever encountered by Alice, sitting on a pebble-strewn shore and watching him patiently. He stood up in the surf, dragged his heavy, watery clothes up with him onto the beach, and reached out for it. The well had gone, and there was no explanation offered or necessary. Here he was, and here was the cat.

It shook its head, ringing the bell on its collar. And then there were more. Out of the waves, out of the pebbles, climbed hundreds upon hundreds of lithe ghostly felines. They ringed him, walking head-to-tail in concentric circles, a sea of shifting ghostly fur and twinkling, tingling chimes. He tried to speak, but his senses gave in to the vertigo of their hypnotic pacing. And then the aural seascape of jingling collars shifted again, to the pattering of rain on the endless South Carolina hills he used to know.

He opened his eyes to gray skies and a warm summer wind, the rain soaking him and warming his spirit. The rustling rain through dogwood and magnolia found his ears, and the rich smell of the Southern soil drifted lazily up to him. He lifted his arms and stripped his shirt off, inhaling this perfect world. A flash of brown drew his eyes to the trees nearby, and he watched the flicker of a white tail bound away through the brush. He chased gladly after it, unsure of whether it was a deer or a cat leaping through the wilds of his afterlife, but joyful regardless. The water closed in one final time, and all was nothingness.

where do you get a green bowtie?

I have three plastic bottles on my desk: a life water I stole from a pizza place, a diet coke I received free from a job interview at "TOMB" a sort of live-action Legends of the Hidden Temple dungeoncrawl in Boston, and a seltzer bottle I bought on the drive up from Vassar on Tuesday to mix with the leftover gin we salvaged from Port Ewen. There's some kind of symbolic trinity there if I want to look for it. Fortunately for you, I don't.

I recently picked up an "Employment Guide" from a free newspaper machine somewhere out and about in Boston, and its contents really confuse me. There were almost no actual job listings within. Rather, it was filled with opportunities for me to go back to school or receive specialized training to become a medical assistant, trucker, or nuclear inspector. My favorite is a colorful panel with the heading "Attention Shooting Sports Enthusiasts! Motivated telemarketers needed to fill immediate openings!"

What?

A note on the walrus above: I owed one to Sasha, but I figured I'd just make it public property. But it's technically Sasha's walrus, so if it gets up to anything unsavory, you can direct complaints over to our lady in Amsterdam.

It is, more or less, ok.

There is, in evolutionary theory, an idea that within a society, some genotypes may be selected not because of their ability to survive and reproduce but because their behavior, while individually detrimental, benefits the entire population and thus is worth keeping around. I believe the millions of people who are dumb enough to leave unsecured wireless networks named "Linksys" lying around fall under this category, and I love them for it. Without them, this post would not be possible.

In fact, neither would any kind of internet access from our new Bostonian den, which is still mostly made of cardboard boxes and uncertain financial forecasting. Don't misunderstand, it's a very nice apartment. We just need to make the transition from "corrugated hairball hacked up by a U-Haul truck" to "legitimate residence".

For those who don't know or don't care, there is a new World of Warcraft expansion out. I haven't played much of it, but there's a very strong sense that if I want to keep playing WoW, I'll need to spend some very serious time with it very soon, since all our internet friends are already at level awesome and I'm still level... not. As Penny Arcade put it, "if I wait too long it'll be like going to high school with an older brother who refuses to recognize you in the hall." But maybe that's a good thing.

It is noon. It is now time to unpack the kitchen. Tally ho.

well hello again

So. I "dressed up" as the Corinthian for Halloween, a man with an excess of teeth. Ironically, I actually ended the night with fewer teeth than I'd set out with, thanks to a high-impact dental brawl with a candy apple whose shiny sugary coating would have challenged most bunker-buster warheads. But $250 and a pleasant half hour of drilling later, my tooth is back in business. Better yet it's artificial, which I've just realized qualifies me as a cyborg. You humans can go back to your smoking blue-soundstage hovels; I've got lasers to calibrate.

By this point we've all voted. Bully for us. Mother suggested this morning that it might be worth it to save Obama paraphernalia so we can later dig it out of our musty horrible old man attics and wave it at our uncaring grandchildren as they sit in their virtu-pods- so we can tell them We Were There. It's a neat idea to think that this might be a major historic event, but I think I'm too cynical to believe that the kind of change people predict will really happen. The issue to me is that Americans are still slothful, ignorant, religious wump-bugglers who don't know what they want, and the political system is designed to make change slow and gradual. I will not tirade here though: I am not well-enough informed to make my particular brand of wump-buggling stand out as anything special, so there's no reason to inflict it on my (future) self or anyone else. That said... I'm just as fingers-crossed hoping-with-bated-breath anxious about this election as everyone else. God dammit I hope he wins.

Tomorrow I will make a pretty picture. Today I will not. In its place, I give you permission to picture an alto sax wrestling Al Pacino on the inside of a tube sock.

coolant toobs inclooded

My computer's dead, I'll get it back in a week. Probably won't update before then. They're replacing literally everything except the monitor. The most exciting part is this: because of the sinister machine's overheating, some of the silver paint on the part where my wrist sits had rubbed off. I didn't think that was a big deal. Turns out, there is no paint on that part of the laptop, and the heat actually caused the aluminum to oxidize into my skin. I don't think that will have any ill effects, except apparently an overenthusiastic use of italics.

Also, I've added something to the "Collaborative Fiction Project" Tim started a few weeks ago. The theory here is to use a line from a poem Karen wrote as the first line and jumping-off-point for a poem of your own. So here is my offering, double-posted because I am too lazy to write something else here today. I think the poem works better in the semi-ironic context of everything else up on the other blog so far... but it is what it is. Not like we're getting paid for this shite. Mayhap I shall illustrate when I have my tablet back.

I've sewed my butterfly chest all together
with straps made entirely of soup-stewed shoe leather
butterfly patches and butterfly stitches
the scars are still burning, the rotten flesh itches

To creak my neck forward sends head-spinning pain
through cold coils of copper I've hooked in my brain
I look down my body through eyes dried and wired
and electrically flex muscles long since expired

One leg's from a dead man; one leg is a wheel.
I've a cranial disc made of thrice-folded steel.
I've no nose to speak of, but that's just as well,
since I'm made of cadavers I've no wish to smell.

A mortal no longer, I've shed my old skin
passed through death and returned, transcending my sins
the police, when they killed me, my spirit unfettered
and thus I return, all the stronger and better.

I lurch down the stairs, my sucking chest heaving
to wish all the village a... memorable evening.

ten fifteens thrown to the halfwinds

The rocks were cold and wet; his feet slipped treacherously. Already there was a lightning-fork of blood running from just below his knee, and he knew his shins would be swollen soon, bruised by the uneven vertical stones. But he was higher than he had been a moment before, and though he couldn't see the top of the slope through the downpour, he knew it lay somewhere above, and on it, the lighthouse. To reach it was the only option now; to climb down these rocks would be even more difficult than the trip up had been. Somewhere below, the tide was rising, a slow and steady pursuer to his climb. The boy raised his bloody knuckles and reached for the next rain-slick rock.

Seventeen homeless men in seventeen cities reach simultaneously for seventeen stray dogs, offering their hands as if to say, "it's all right, we're both still here aren't we?" Fifteen of them are bitten.

There is a mote of gold in everything she says, if you can find it. Like the princesses who spoke in diamonds and frogs, she creates matter from words, and in parsing and panning we can become the tiniest bit richer.

The truck can still find you.
Look the part and get the man.
Shopping carts are no safety.
Six pence for a tie.

Look the part and get the man.
Lurk the unders; man the drains.
Six pence for a tie.
But the filth can cling on the inside.

Lurk the unders; man the drains.
Hold your bag of seeds close, and save it.
But the filth can cling on the inside.
Breathe it out when the cities are ashes.

Hold your bag of seeds close, and save it.
Shopping carts are no safety
Breathe it out when the cities are ashes,
The truck can still find you.

*snark taco sauces, this is the end*

Thirty-five stories above, Howard clapped the top back onto the mayonnaise. He didn't see the shadowy thing grinning behind the refrigerator door. If he had, he would never have seen anything else.

cranberries

Devastation and flooding rocked the delta today.

The ten-day intensive circus training time is gone, taking with it any hope that any of us will be genuinely productive for more than a few hours a day. While it was running, we kept a schedule of what we were supposed to do, hour by hour. Over the past few days I've tried to keep a similar solo schedule for myself, but realistically it might as well read

11 am- eat a soup, check webcomics
12 pm- watch the daily show
1 pm- think about cats

Ashlyn and I have recently burned through all 26 episodes of The Vision of Escaflowne, a disgusting blend of starry-eyed-romance girl anime and giant-robot-smashing boy anime, whose soundtrack primarily consists of a chorus of Japanese men singing the title over and over in Gregorian baritone. That, combined with the usual bullshit Japanese philosophy, reminds me why I hate anime. The theme song, seen here... reminds me why I love it.



Wow, it's almost 1 pm... I should probably get started on cat-thinking. I'm really glad the world isn't covered five feet deep in them. Really, really glad.

my car punched itself in the face

Still here. The A Different Spin training time is becoming less super-intense as we get better at what we're doing, but I suspect the dropoff also has something to do with the fact that we've been at it for 5 days now. It starts at 10 am, give or take cooking time of a bagel, and ends at 10 pm, give or take when we run out of lamp oil and muscular integrity. But it's jolly good fun, and we're all getting a lot better at everything we do. I have every faith that both the shows we're working on will end up ravishingly fabulous. The fire show is great; the daytime show will be great as soon as we can write some decent patter instead of shouting profanity at Tim and gibbering on about cranberries.

make your hadron last for hours with natural male enhancement

The Large Hadron Collider is not going to destroy the world; unfortunately that's about all anyone seems to know about it. To remedy this, the scientists behind it (who all appear to be attractive, intelligent, 20-something-year-old women) have released a rap video to help explain the purpose and workings of their rather arcane ten billion dollar project.

Science... is awesome. The fact that we're exploring our world and figuring out how the whole game works is great, and it makes me sort of abstractly sad that my life isn't on any kind of track to contribute to that great work.

edit/addendum: yes, of course anyone working on the LHC is intelligent, and it doesn't take a video to show me that... my particular combination of adjectives was just born from the fact that smart girls who rap about their giant underground particle accelerators are automatically members of the hottest branch of femininity: brilliant women with a sense of humor. Yes, the video is too pixelated for me to see how attractive they are. The point is, it's irrelevant.

Whatever, it's my birthday, I'm drunk. I'm excused.

Ricky tells me that those girls probably weren't really the scientists involved. I am unwilling to accept this hypothesis. Leave me my dreams.

Good morning, me.

It's my birthday. And so, at midnight, I put on the gas mask, fishnets, and dance belt (for Tim and Ricky's sakes) and lay in the tub for several minutes with the shower running cold, drinking a teacup of rum and cackling gleefully. I then went out to the living room, turned off all the lights, and juggled glow clubs while wearing an eye patch just to see if I could do it. When there are no parties to be had, one must resort to madness.

And now it's bedtime; tomorrow begins the great odyssey of A Different Spin.

Nothing to be done.

The Art Nouveau Philadelphia Society for Beckett in the Nude will have its first public exhibition this Saturday in the chapel at 7th and Hildebrandt. Formal dress is encouraged for audience members; Friends of the Society displaying badges will be admitted free of charge. Questions and concerns should be addressed to director Oliver McKittish, especially regarding the media coverage of the May 23rd shutdown of metro stations in the Glasgow area for tech night and dress rehearsals.

We hope to see you there!

I draw a thing, then I write a thing. Who knows.

When Captain Ferrier first invited us on the cruise I thought it would serve as nothing more than a lark, a flippant getaway to the skies aboard the most modern of airship luxuries. I was unaware at the time of the workings of such crafts, and thought them merely another item on the daunting list of things that would never be relevant to my own life, and therefore never worthy of serious research. Leave the baking to the bakers, the shoemaking to the cobblers, and the workings of highly inflammable airborne dirigibles to the obscenely rich, I thought.
However, when Melinda and I boarded the craft in person, I knew there was something here beyond mere goggle-sporting hobbery. There was a majesty to the swelling canvas balloon above; a regal air described even in the rudder fins on either side of the humming turbines on the rear of the ship, ready to carve the sky and cut wisping trails through the clouds. It was a commanding craft; I had never seen anything so grand.
But beneath the magnificent blimp there was an element that struck me as out-of-place. The entire "crew" of the ship seemed to consist of one squat, unpleasant mechanical man who, presumably due to his lack of a visible mouth, never said a word to myself, Melinda, or the captain during the entirety of our voyage. It clunked about on oversized mechanical feet, performing tasks which I, as an admitted aeronautical novice, can only assume were vital to the maintenance of our flight. At one point as we drifted above the Melbingian Sea, the automaton actually approached me, looking distressed, and would not leave until I gave it my pocket watch. The creature stared at the watch for no less than two full minutes before handing it back to me silently and clanking onward about its duties. I suspect I shall never know the meaning of this behavior, and it troubles me somewhat.
Perhaps when I have returned to the university I shall read up on these matters. Airships and mechanical men. I cannot name the curiosity this voyage has awoken in me, but somehow it feels truer than any previous pursuit I have undertaken.